Category Archives: rant

Trump Pie and Brexit pudding

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Trump saying I used the wrong word “would” when I meant “wouldn’t” is a real (please beware the expletives) what the fuck moment. How does that work with the rest of his speech, was he thinking of someone else accidentally, maybe his hairdresser or the women that helps him with those golden showers, sorry I meant spray tans. Maybe he had seen Ivanka’s ankles again, I don’t bloody know.

I have to say the fact he is still there, along with the mess occurring in the UK with Brexit, where ludicrous statements are just brushed under other wigs and various carpets, has reached a level where it seems nothing is going to ever change simply because any amount of bullshit can be made to smell of roses. If Trump can get out of this with the most pathetic piece of spin ever, then in the UK its going to be dead easy for the leave campaign, well mainly Michael Gove to admit and get clean away with “yes the immigrant estimate from Turkey was a bit over the top, along with Turkey suddenly joining the EU by 2020 and then 5.2 million immigrants (or thereabouts) all heading to the jolly old UK to live. Let alone the fact they have broken electoral law by exceeding the £7m spending limit by funnelling £675,315 through pro-Brexit youth group BeLeave. This is just bloody bonkers because soon enough these revelations will be cast aside for an update of great importance from Love Island! While people around watch in horror at this  reality TV show that’s definitely not a slice of real human pie and sing “yes we have no diversity, we have no diversity at all” Well its manufactured so its not surprising really. Love Island made up of real diverse humans would not work, after all people seem to want to stare at bodies they can never obtain and IQ’s that they can easily beat yet still want what thye cant have. A ‘thickening’ would be a suitably inappropriate word, and I’m not taking about our thighs here, or any body shaming, I hope that was as obvious as putting square pegs in round holes holes as I thought it was going to be.

In a time when assassins leave bottles of Novichok in bushes (good for the roses I hear) Trump uses Helsinki as a dodgy game of Risk but forgets what country he has on the board and stumbles blindly into Hillary’s thirty three thousand emails as an excuse. Well he just realised what he has said to the world and its dog after all in a moment of badly contained horror, and a great poker face from Putin. Then when American politicians collectively go “YOU SAID FUCKING WHAT” he gets away with it again!

This weird bunch of international shenanigans has left me exhausted and wondering if I’m actually living in some new Sims video game. I fear we really can’t win when arseholes like this, who can lie so blatantly and because the media is moving at the speed of ‘news views’ which is faster than the speed of light due to the Narnia particle coefficient, which in layman’s terms means it’s all going to be forgotten after a tweet or two from Elon Musk.

I need a holiday, preferably of the interstellar kind That Mulder and Scully would appreciate. So any aliens out there feeling like giving me a non invasive lift come pick me up. I may even let them probe my nether regions if it helps get me off this rock. I just want out of this mad house, so I’ll take any dimension of multiverse that’s going. I guess it’ time to start quantum thumbing it for a lift then.

Clickbait

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So much communication an influx or ways to tell each other how we feel each day, our lives are no longer simple but can be tainted with guilt or rage, to some its that simple with a screen full of clickbait. I’ve tried to find balance with consideration for others and my need as an individual yet I’m becoming extinct, a dinosaur of my time. We talk without signals that explain there is nothing between those lines.

We have so much time to chat as we download yet another intrusive privacy invading app, but that’s acceptable as I wanted new things didn’t I? Well that advert just said I did, so I better just click. What happened to sitting around tables and communicating verbally, I miss those days when “see you Friday” was aurally all I needed to complicate a social adventure, that was fun and easy without the need tell the world how great this is, really? While we sit here messaging in silence, fingers busily pressed on screens are we hoping for a response that tells us we are relevant. All I wanted was a hug you see, not grabbing a charger to make my life brighter.

I long for quieter moments to unplug and enjoy my time, yet each day I now cover my eyes to the ranting the screaming and the sadness I find. I’m just one person that is now so overloaded with the weight of conversation that has no sound to its words. I can’t help but wonder what happened when we have all this time to talk to each other, yet miss the point so often and still don’t really listen, is it as simple as our true voices are missing.

Mince pie pushers

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Christmas is bugging the hell out of me already. The damn near perpetual march of overtly shiny adverts really get to me.

Now I saw one advert for mince pies, it implied one brand were as good as ‘Harrods’ but of course cheaper. This dumb idea plays on the idiotic theory that Harrods mince pies are better than every other mince pie ever made, a veritable pinnacle of mince pie creation you could say.

I see it now, twisting reality into the best puff pastry since the dawn of bloody puff pastry, butter so buttery its just bloody butter but with some kind of gold standard for yellowish hues, taste and probably lubrication as well. The ad men who already have a lot to answer for, have just become the proctologists of the consumer age.